Living in the F*cking Nightmare

Well well well look who is back bitchezz!

It has been what, 5 months! Ohh shit! Soo, I wasn’t around because I wasn’t feeling myself. I know I have mentioned that I have found an internship. That internship is kicking my ass fellas. During that 5 months, I was actually trying to get used to my managers/boss behaviors. During my first month everything was perfect. She was encouraging me, smiling everyday, making jokes. I told all my family members and friends that finally, finally I had found the real Canadian workplace, that I had finally felt like I lived in Canada. I think I misread everything. 

After that unpaid period, she told me that she is going to hire me. There was also one girl who started to work two weeks before me. She already started getting paid. At that time I realized that she was actually unhappy and kind of depressed. I have never thought this job was the reason. She always wanted to go home. There was a weird expression on her face like she wasn’t crying but she was, there were no tears in her face but if you look deeper you can actually see that she was crying without tears. So this was the first red flag that I have missed. 

I started to get paid then she completely changed, completely. She was(is still btw) screaming constantly even if there has been no mistake. She was throwing things not towards us like not to our faces, she was throwing just in front of us. One time my boss was holding a paper cup, and my coworker was trying to explain how the communication was between her and the client. My coworker told her that she had not understood one question that client had asked. My boss looked at her face throw that cup to her, then scream at her, saying that you knew how to talk fucking English and so on. This happened during the first month that I got paid. Well I missed that second red flag. 

Since that day I have gained weight, stress eating, I have lots of pimples on my face and also I have eczema on my fingers because of the stress level. 

You can ask why you are still working there, because she promised that she is going to be my sponsor. Rest assured, I am studying at a private school which means nothing for the government. I need to get an admission from a government school or else someone needs to be my sponsor. So I need her and she knows.  Actually everyone who works in that workplace needs her, everyone is trying to complete their hours to be qualified to enter into express entry. 

The third red flag btw the employee who has the longest employment in that corporation has been working there for 7 months and the company has been in the field for 7 years. 

Of course, she is not only screaming or swearing. Sometimes she can be a good person for a couple of hours. More than enough. I just need to live on this rollercoaster for 2 years. I hope I can manage to stay sane. 

If you experienced a toxic relationship, lived with toxic people and you couldn’t exactly heal, experiencing similar things can trigger the memories and sometimes it can be tricky to find a reason for being in the moment.

There are also good things happening in my life. We moved out with my boyfriend. I will take a picture of our lovely happy place to show you guys. He has been with me since the beginning. I think the toxic environment of my workplace makes our relationship stronger. He is cooking dinner every day. He is helping me with every single thing. He is taking care of me. 

I would never imagine that I can find such a strong man yet childish as much as me in Canada.

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